A New Year: How to take action despite not feeling like it.
A question I am often asked is, “How do you do it; how do you keep going despite all you’ve been through?” Well, I think this is a great question for everyone to ponder going into this new year, so I’d like to share some insights that might be helpful.
Sooo many days I don’t FEEL like doing anything! I don’t wake up in the morning jazzed about tackling my routine as a person living with chronic illness and a disability. It’s not fun! I’m not thrilled with my job or sometimes, even about my creative personal projects. If it were up to my feeling brain, I would stay in bed and choose to sleep all day because I am juuust exhausted; burnt out on Covid, on the destruction of our beautiful earth, the ‘news’, in general, and the need to make money for seemingly no reason other than to stay isolated in my studio apartment… forever!
My feelings tell me I’m scared regularly. I see a cut on my foot… Oh no, it could become infected and have to be cut off! Uh oh, I have a cough… is it Covid? Am I gonna die?! Crap, I have to make a phone call and ask for something? Am I gonna say the right thing and get what I need?! It’s not all bad though… I mean, my feelings can also be helpful. For example, I appreciate that they are doing an excellent job of letting me know that I need to be aware. But like I said, they also want me to stay in bed, so I can’t exactly rely on my feelings alone to make me move or plow through.
Have you ever heard of the saying, “I’m not a doing; I’m a being?”
It’s true! We are human BEINGS. ‘Doing’ is not actually required to hold value as a human. We have intrinsic value. This is a truth I firmly trust, and at the same time, ‘doing’ allows for exciting, thrilling, and fun adventures; new and interesting perspectives, and an outlet for our creative imagination. ‘Doing’ is how we survive and thrive. It’s something I know all too well.
In 2003, I was diagnosed with end-stage renal failure and needed a kidney transplant. I found myself to be in total denial and resistance. Meanwhile, I had heard about people who were healing their kidney failure through natural remedies and alternative therapies, so I tried several, but to no avail. As it turns out, my kidney failure wasn’t a result of a bad diet, toxins, spirits, dehydration, misaligned chakras, my lack of belief in myself, inadequate healers, or a betrayal of science. It was simply that after 22 years of living with a spinal cord injury, parts of my insides had steadily malfunctioned and could no longer support my life.
Dude, sometimes we are forced to move past our feelings and take action in order to live. I mean, surgery doesn’t exactly feel good and let me tell ya, the after-party is even worse! I struggle with post-surgical nausea and vomiting like Regan Teresa MacNeil from the Exorcist!
Nonetheless, you just move through it because the alternative is even grimmer. You’re not even thinking about your feelings or motivations in those moments. You’re not even really making conscious choices. You just do whatever you have to do to survive. You have to, that’s it.
Look, I get it, the ultimate desire to survive is an extreme example of forcing one to take action despite how we might feel about a situation, so let’s bring it back to more simple, everyday life scenarios. How do we do that?
Here’s the thing, our emotions/feelings are asking for our attention.
When I don’t feel excited about getting out of bed in the morning, I get a TON of feedback. It’s coming from my physical body, mind, emotions, and maybe even other people. Not to mention, if we add in having a habit of looking at our phones first thing in the morning, I’m sure the news has loads to say about the direction of our day as well!
So, now what?
Through engaging in trauma therapy, I have been able to heal the maladaptive beliefs I’ve held since childhood. It has also taught me to listen and pay attention to my internal systems… in the morning, when I wake up, I practice listening to myself. It’s busy in there, and sometimes, it might even seem like several parts of myself are having a discussion or even an argument together!
I attempt to give space to all the parts of myself thus giving them a voice to tell me what’s up.
My body is tired. It has to pee and needs nutrition. My brain wants caffeine in order to get to jump-start the day. My emotions are low with feeling bored, drained, and wanting to escape the madness of the world.
I thank each of these systems for their input and acknowledge that they are doing a super great job regulating themselves and checking in. I let each know that they have been heard and all they have said is under close consideration.
It sounds funny, right? Like a board meeting with ourselves? Well, that’s exactly what it is! After all, we are the commander of this tribe, right?! Ultimately, I make the decisions for this life. I LOVE my internal systems! I love my life and choose to make it beautiful.
Doing this little morning routine for ourselves is the first step in increasing self-love and care.
Now, to be fair, this didn’t use to be my routine. OH NO, I didn’t listen to my internal systems at all! Remember, my default system was lying in bed, feeling overwhelmed, and wallowing in my feelings of failure, etc. Most certainly, depression and anxiety, to various degrees, are just part of the human condition, and when it hits, we often feel robbed of motivation, desire, and even choice. It’s the last in this list, however, that is a falsehood; a little trick being played on us when we feel down and defeated. The truth is, we always have a choice and the option to exercise it. Taking action is hard, so sometimes we need to employ a process to help.
I like Mel Robbin’s 5-second rule, and it goes like this…
Take a second to notice.
Decide what you want to do next, even if you don’t feel like it.
Take a deep, full breath.
Count backward from 5.
5,
4,
3,
2,
1
Watch what happens.
For more on this, watch THIS video.
Every morning, I use the 5-second rule to get myself out of bed and on with my day despite not wanting to, despite not having much to look forward to, despite feeling like the world is going to hell in a hand-basket.
You want to start working out?
You want to start drawing?
You want to start a business?
You want to start researching your next book?
You want to start your day?
Start by giving yourself the gift of attention. Acknowledge what’s going on with all your internal systems. Thank each for doing their important jobs. Choose to lead with intention.
Action is a choice you can make without waiting to feel like it! The truth is we may never feel like it. And there are many many reasons not to. But then again, why not? What do you have to lose in taking one step at a time toward something you’d like to experience in your life?
Personally, my bed is not the only thing I want to experience in my life, even though it has brought me great comfort and fantastic dreams at times. There is so much more out there I want to see, touch, feel, taste, and try before my journey is done.
I wish you a brave new experience this year, my friend. May you feel the self-acceptance and self-love to take one day at a time to check-in, breath, and then take the next step.
With all my heart,
Lace
**If you are struggling with serious depression, anxiety, or anything else in life that feels super tough or unbearable, please give yourself the gift of caring support via seeking and receiving counsel with a mental health professional. Another impactful resource of support is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They are accessible 24 hours a day @ 800-273-8255.
** I also want to be totally transparent and let you know that the things shared in this post are my own thoughts, ideas, opinions, and experiences. Although my hope is that some of you may have found some good in these words, I am not a professional psychologist or counselor. My intent is simply to inspire and share some love with those who are in need and resonate with the message. If it’s not you, as always, feel free to disregard it. Thank you, and be well!
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Post edited by: Benjamin Thompson
Photo by Kevin Luke on Unsplash