42 Years
Has it been a year already?!?
Birthdays are these bitter-sweet reflections on what happened over the last year, where I'm at right now, and where do I want to be headed? Admittedly, birthdays have become more challenging as I've aged. Each year they pass, I recognize how fast they fly by and that I am another year closer to the grave. It sounds so morbid, but the thought crosses my mind none-the-less.
People my parent's age still call me a baby. What?!? They are quick to remind me how much time I still have, which always makes me reflect on the meaning of time.
In western culture, it seems like we get fixated on this linear span of achievements. But what is time? Isn't it just one moment proceeded by another? What if time wasn't a destination but a link?
Isn't the connection from this moment to the next a memory? Isn't that what the past is, after all? We have a history because we have a memory of it. Not only do our brains store the memories of that time at the lake, that song I wrote, that embarrassing moment, that painful interaction with someone I love, but our bodies remember too. My hands remember how to play the guitar. My body remembers how to ski down a steep mountain. My nose remembers the smell of my grandmother's house.
Our emotions have memory too! Just pick up any picture from your childhood, and you'll know what I mean. It's incredible how quickly and easily we can go back to a joyful or painful time in our childhood like it was still happening today.
So many memories. It's interesting to me this idea of wanting to be remembered. I've thought a lot about my legacy as of late. What am I leaving behind? How will people remember me? Will they remember me? And how this need for memory projects into the future… that somehow, what I do today, will affect my future memories.
Isn't this why we strive? We set goals and change our habits today so that someday we can become the kind of person we want to be; the type of person who makes an imprint on this world? Someone to remember? Or is there another reason we strive?
What does it mean to live in the moment? What does it mean to be present?
I thought that living in the moment and being present meant taking life as it comes and doing our best not to get our feathers ruffled by anything; to effectively be a yogi, perfectly attuned to peace no matter the chaos.
For the last handful of months, I have been swimming, and at times, floundering in an online Creative Workshop through a company called, Akimbo, started by Seth Godin, one of the most outstanding leaders in thought of our time. For 150 days, I have been inundated by this idea that creativity doesn't just happen when it's inspired or convenient, but that creativity happens every day.
Showing up every day for my music and writing has shown me a new level of what it means to SHOW UP BRAVE! Perhaps being present in the moment doesn't only mean being able to take whatever life throws at us, but choosing to lay out our path! Maybe being BRAVE doesn't always mean we are prepared for the battles of life with our sword and shield. Maybe we just show up with our pen and paper to describe the life we see before us.
So much of my life has been lived in survival mode, gritting my teeth and facing life challenges head-on. I've taken great pride in my ability to endure, but it's not the only way.
There's a great saying I just made up, but perhaps someone else said it once too:
““You don’t have to pull weeds if you plant enough flowers.” ”
Planting flowers is an act of care and intention, whereas, we simply react to the weeds.
Today I'm thinking about what I remember and what I want to remember. How we remember could be the difference between our intention and our reaction.
My hope for this 42nd year on earth is to show up brave and plant more flowers.
From my heart to yours,
Lace🌸